Psalm 11

so as some may have noticed, I completely went off the radar screen for a while. To tell you the truth there were times where i wanted so badly to write.... to tell everyone how I was feeling to let it all out.... but i didnt because i was afraid.... afraid that no one cared, afraid I wasnt good enough, afraid that I couldnt change.... but then i realized something... Psalm 11 take home message for me at this particular point in time.... My Refuge must be in God, and not in other things.... it seems so simple to realize this... so blatantly obvious that you might sit there and say well duhh... but i think that to some degree we all know this but to truly believe it and say you have it is another thing. We take so much for granted because we have been given so much. There are people dying to read the Bible, the Word of God, and here i am having 5 copies of it and sometimes gracing it with a fleeting thought or opening the cover.... its just so wrong. and i know i have been trying so hard to get out  of the rut i am and start living for Him but until now i dont think i  recognized the fact that i was just saying the words... I wanted it dont get me wrong but I was afraid to go and get it... but in light of reading Psalm 11 I have discovered many things. For those of you who may not have a Bible I am going to write it here. 

Psalm 11 ESV

In the Lord I take refuge,

how can you say to my soul,

flee like a bird to your mountain,

for behold the wicked bend the bow,

They have fitted their arrow to the string 

To shoot in the dark at the upright at heart

if the foundations are destroyed,

What can the righteous do?

The Lord is in His Holy temple,

the Lord's Throne is in Heaven

His eyes see, His eyelids test, the children of man.

The Lord tests the righteous,

But His soul hates the wicked and the

ones who love violence

Let Him rain down coals on the wicked,

fire and sulfur and a scorching wind

shall be the portion of their cup.

For the Lord is righteous

He loves righteous deeds

the upright shall behold his face.

This passage has really tugged at my heart because it not only revealed to me the inherent problem of building my house on sand instead of on the Rock but also encouraging me to be better by letting Him work in me. I have not surrendered to his control. He is not on his throne as he should be, my heart has been long divided. I have time for all this useless junk and stuff that means nothing. This passage to me is split into two parts the problem and the solution.

The problem we face is trying to be righteous. We are like a sought after piece of land to conquer for the righteous. We must guard our hearts so as not to be over taken. And the only way to do this is to have God at the center. We must trust him in all things, He is our Fortress Our Mountain for when the storm of life and evil reaks its havoc on your life. the wind may howl and trouble may face you but HE REMAINS!!! The promise is that the gift of righteousness comes at a small price, you have to make a best friend. You have to marry your soul to the ways of the Lord and not want for anything but that. The love of the Lord will be the air that you breathe.... the sustenance to keep you going. I want a faith like that.... an unshakable holy bond between me and my savior. to KNOW i am saved, safe from any and every evil. To live as life was intended to be lived. basically I want to become a refugee. I want to be able to say I would die for my faith, or even just to read the bible everyday. but what i have realized is  I need this... it is not a matter of wanting anymore. This is not a matter in which I can play the fence, and get the best of both worlds. I want all of His world. I want a fire to burn in me so bright that others will feel the Joy and Peace He gives just be seeing me. I dont want this for me anymore i want it for him. He died so I could live. I reject him over and over but he remains faithful and true. he never leaves he just waits and I know that I will not be happy, will not find rest, will not find sanctuary apart from him. So i challenge you as i am challenging myself to try to give yourself to him. It is the only way to self discovery and happiness i know.... analyze the crap in your life.... discard it. draw close to the word and hold tight... seek out the counsel of God and make friends with it. I pray that you find the refuge of God and stay there. Its the best place ever! and I now realize it is the only place for me.

In God's Precious and Holy Name!

Yours in Christ,

Jillian