so its been a while since i last wrote... a lot has happened... Bless God that He has used it for His Glory and I am all the better for it... i dont want to keep you all in suspense so i guess i will elaborate. last semester at school was really hard. i transfered to a new school and for those of you that know i have depression had a bad relapse into it.... it was pretty bad... anyway, God did not forsake me in this time though and He has used it to produce so much good out of a really bad situation that i have to remember to thank Him for His Mercy everyday... but anyway... my life to put it bluntly has been in shambles for a while now... its so funny how we let life get away from us and how the things that in your mind were priority number one become the bottom of the abyss.... i dont know exactly when or how but God became a back burner topic... and since that point i have felt like there was something missing, like a person who lost their way in a paper bag to put it bluntly. But about the end of the semester the time i started writing this blog i had a moment where i knew i was the problem... my disobedience and just plain human nature had taken the throne of my life and decided to throw a wild party...and that was not the way to live. I have always had some presence of the church or the notion of God in my life whether it was school, my immediate family or church. through my various experiences i have met people that are so on fire for God that its just simply undeniable. For as long as i can remember I have wanted that... wanted to walk among those people and fellowship with them learn from them... but i have always told myself I cant be apart of that.... they wont like me, im too dirty... i believed those lies even up until right at this moment they somehow creep in and say you arent worthy But the truth is God tells me different... and its one thing to say you know this because you can know it but another thing altogether to believe it... to begin to live it out in your everyday life.... to embrace it like a luxurious coat that will keep you warm and safe from all sorts of dangers... it really isnt a hard thing to do... it just recquires that we step outside ourself, give ourselves away and trust someone completely...its hard... its like we are babies with extreme fashion senses that look to our maker and say "um uh uh i aint wearing this what will others see?" but that is the worst philosophy and attitude you can take.... imagine knowing a God that you trust with a faith like Daniel, or Rad Shak Mi Shak and Ebendigo (sorry about the spelling) that u could trust Him to throw you in the face of death and still know that whatever happens you are safe in the hands of your God. I think thats amazing... personally the fire those people must have exhibited must have been awesome... but the thing about this fire that seems to make me so ravenously hungry for it... is it changes... it has the alluring ability to get better with time... as you grow closer to God and your relationship blossoms it grows too....becoming even more beautiful... and i dont know about you but i think that i want that in my wardrobe.
I guess the point i am trying to get at is that i have realized that I have nothing to do with it, He is the sculptor and I am the clay.... I am what He designs.... i mean can you imagine how completely ridiculous we look to Him everyday... its like a lump of clay looking up to an artist and saying "hey bub im definately a vase not a plate...geez!"
anyway... im looking forward to trying to be open and ready to accept what God wants for me in my life. I keep you posted!
1 comment:
Post a Comment