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well today was..um interesting. i had my first final yesterday and lets just say that all my studying probably didnt pay off... which of course was disappointing but i am trying to remain positive. I hope the week get's better but i have to remember, it's all in God's Hands.

On a lighter note... i have been reading the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (a little bit of light reading). But anyway, God is really using the book to show me the schemes of Satan. You see the book is a bunch of letters from Satan's right hand man to his nephew who is a demon trying to win this guy over to the dark side. Well anyway, it details how the littlest thing is skewed around to drive this poor guy farther away from God. and you know i have always "believed" in spiritual war fare but never really grasped its meaning entirely... or may its extent... ITS A JUNGLE OUT THERE... anyway I was reflecting on how i have fallen into some of the traps outlined in the book.... man that Satan is one slippery, slimy guy! i mean there is this one letter in which the guy (satan's right hand man) says to his nephew... make sure you utilize gluttony... its one of the best tools we have... initially i sat there and was like HUH? Food is the number one weapon? WHAT?!?! but he went on to explain how we in our human nature... need everything in excess... always what we want never what we need.... I never thought about it before... and i found it strange to admit that i am a glutton... maybe not for food but for wanting more than is given to me. Who am i to tell the Lord of all things that what He has blessed me with is not enough? How hungry for things of the world can i be??? it was really a wake up call.

as some of you may have read... satan has really been on the offensive lately, attacking all facets of my life... i mean its even gone as far as why are you writing this, no one cares about it anyway... and it almost took hold of me until i realized i need to establish a reason why I write this blog. And i thought about it and it was to help me focus my life so that I can spend a few minutes of God each day. So in fact the most important person is reading this, God. i am very poor thinking/saying things out loud but have always been good at writing them... so i guess this is my attempt at a prayer journal... one that i hope helps people in my situation or just in general. But more than anything it is a time where i can sit before God and enjoy His presence. it is hard for me to do this because i am under attack most of the time... and most of the time i feel like a hopeless cause. but i know that i am not because my Savior says so.... and i am holding on to this! 

I hope anyone who reads this is well and know that I am praying for you all.

Yours in Christ,

Jillian 

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” - Romans 8:28, NIV

Some verses that i found encouraging today! How Great is Our God that He has a Plan for Us and Knows Us so intimately!! Praise Him!!!